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Communication is the Key

Updated: Feb 25, 2019

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) was co-founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in 1976 and is a model of communication, which has been studied throughout the world. It is a study of how to live up to our potential, to model excellent behaviour and improve our performance in life. Communication is the key here, how do we communicate to ourselves (internal chatter) and how do we communicate with others.

There are 14 NLP Presuppositions that form the basic beliefs and attitudes of NLP in action. People represent the world internally to create their own personal and subjective realities. There's a saying in NLP that "Perception is Projection" meaning that what we believe to be true, whether it be true or not, is projected outside of ourselves and will show up in our life in some way. Such beliefs as "I'm not good enough" or "I don't think people like me" will affect the way we communicate and most likely bring negative responses.

If our self-talk or the way we communicate with others is negative then we are likely to get negative results. If our self-talk and communication is positive then we are more likely to get positive results. It is not just about positive thinking, it is about our beliefs, the words we use, how we imagine a situation to be and what emotion this brings up for us. The willingness to change our internal programming to a more positive theme impacts many areas of our life.

We're looking at two Presuppositions this month. Firstly, "the Meaning of Communication is the response you get". If we don't like the response, then we need to look at how we're communicating our message.

Say, for example, we don't like the person we're working with and they're driving us crazy. Our thoughts are consumed with that person in a negative way even when we're not at work. We don't know why they are pushing our buttons. This happened to a student of mine and I suggested that she find something positive about that person to focus on, which she found very difficult to do, but decided that her co-worker had beautiful hair. So every time her thoughts wanted to go negative, she brought her focus back to the lovely hair. She persisted time and time again and said they eventually ended up being friends and then the co-worker was transferred to another workplace. Her willingness to find something positive to focus on, helped change her attitude and communication to achieve a more positive outcome.

This brings us to the second Presupposition "the Person with the most flexibility of behaviour will control the system". Being able to make changes and be flexible will lead to more options and changes in behaviour that can help us achieve the most desired results. When my student changed her focus from negative to positive imaging, seeing her co-worker's beautiful hair instead of her annoying habits, everything changed for the better.

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